Welcome to Week 2 of the Fearless Prognostications. This fearless prognosticator was 12-1-1 last week. Gotta claim a tie on the War Chickens since it appears I didn't even pick the score. Onwards and upwards, it's time for this week's Fearless Prognostications.
Oregon at Michigan: It’s hard to say what will be more
ugly on Saturday – the uniforms of the quack attack, the fans in the
stands, or the Michigan play on the field. It’s been a pretty nasty
week in Ann Arbor. Everybody’s hoping Patrick Swayze will jump out of
the stands and yell “Wolverines,” but that’s about as likely as a
Division 1AA team beating them in the Big House. Hmm, stranger things
have happened. The Ducks are pass happy like App State, but they wear
uglier uniforms. Blue Boys 24 Quacks 21
South Carolina at Georgia: The War Chickens invade Athens for their annual love-in with the Bulldogs. Richt’s boys got out of the pokey in time last week to whip up on Okie Dokie, while the Cocks chicken-scratched their way to a win against one of those directional multi-name schools from Lusianana. Joe-Bob in Athens is already warming up the still in the backyard, and it’s only Thursday. The King Cock thinks the Chickens can contend, and this year. They are the War Chickens, there will be no contention. But they will scare the crap out of the Athenites. Athenians 20 War Chickens 18
Alabama at Vanderbilt: The Pachyderms got off to a fast start last week against the Catamounts, and didn’t let up until Western called mercy. It was more like a pharaoh had arrived, with thousands camped outside the stadium watching the game on the Quad. The Doormats lit up Richmond. Year after year, the Sinking Ships play ‘Bama close. Year after year, they learn close only counts in horseshoes. And bourbon. Pachyderms 37 Doorknobs 10
Samford at Georgia Tech: That’s no misprint. It’s SAMford. A little bible college in Birmingham that was once coached by somebody named Bowden. Now, they are the Bulldogs, so that might be enough to make any Techster’s hair stand right on end. But never fear, that’s probably just the pre-game drink settling in. The Bees may be a little better than we thought after sticking it to Catholic U. last week. Can Samford score? Maybe. Can they pull an Appy State? Only if your mother is playing QB for Tech. Bees 41 Bulldogs 10
South Florida at Auburn: Tubbynation almost took a dive last week as the Kansas Staters took it right too ‘em at Jordan Hare. The Plainsmen looked asleep at the wheel until late in the contest. It’s hard to tell if K State is actually decent, or if Auburn sucks. K State almost did it in week 1. South Florida does it in week 2. Bulls 24 Tiggers 20
Troy at Florida: The Trojans continue their march through the Southeastern Conference. Last week, they got hammered by the Razor Piggies, and this week they visit the Crocs in Swampville. Somebody really should talk to their AD about this scheduling. I’m guessin they’re getting some nice checks. Tebowmania is in full swing. Sounds like the fanatics in the swamp have already given him the Heisman. Easy there, big fella. This one will be over before you slip the bourbon into your coke. Crocs 63 Boys of Troy 3
Kent State at Kentucky: This is actually an intrasquad scrimmage that the Mildcats managed to get on the schedule. UK 45 KSU 0
Notre Dame at Penn State: This is actually an intrasquad scrimmage that Penn State managed to get on the schedule. The Catholics are pulling that “secret QB” business again. This prognosticator was right last week – Weis didn’t know who to start cause they all suck. JoPa is about 800 years old, and not even he has seen a Notre Blame team that looks so inept. Take State, and take a few ice cold ones. Lions 31 Catholics 17
Virginia Tech at LSU: It’s the Goblers and Cajuns Saturday night in Batonnnnnnnn Rouge. Virginia PolynotgettingdatesTech looked pretty underwhelming last week at home. The Tigers blew out their opponent – but their opponent was Mississippi State, who have lost to Div 1AA teams long before the Wolverines. And speaking of Wolverines, Les Miles was a player there. Think pulling a Saban is on his mind? You betcha. But it’s Saturday night in Baton Rouge, where 90,000 cajun red necks will have spent the whole day getting tanked up. The gobblers don’t want to be near this fryer. Cajuns 28 Gobblers 13
Missouri at Ole Miss: You gotta hand it to Rebel Nation for actually scheduling a decent non-conference opponent. But why? Ole Miss’ chance of ever playing for the whole ball of wax where schedule strength matters? Zero. Chance that you’ll see some nice co-eds and a whole lot of the brown stuff disguised as Coke? 100%. Hope they drink plenty, cause Mizzou is gonna stick it to ‘em. Tigers 20 Rebs 10
Mississippi State at Tulane: Without question, this is your game of the week. Sure to be an Instant Classic. The bulldogs are horrid. They got blown out by the Cajuns last week in Starkvegas. The Gumbys are playing at home, where there will literally be hundreds of people in the stands. And some of them might not even be students. Take one of those little TVs so you can watch some of the action around the country. Gumbys 9 Pups 7
Southern Miss at Tennessee: The Davy Crockets went out to Berkeley last week and got their rifles handed to them – and not in a pleasant way if you get my drift. And you do. The Golden Birds from Hattiesburg have been giving SEC teams fits for years. But that’s all they ever do. The Head Pumpkin is on the hot seat in Knoxville, so he’ll have the Crockets ready to play Saturday night. Crockets 31 Birds 21
Wisconsin at UNLV: Is it basketball season already? Nope, the Woodchucks are actually making the trip to Las Vegas to play some pigskin. Surprised the NCAA even lets football games get played here. If you can call this a football game. The Gamblers aren’t exactly Big 10 in size. But they are pretty fleet of foot. If the Woodchucks can stay out of the casinos, they should just wear the Gamblers out. Wiscaaaasin 17 Vegas 3
USC at Idle: Could be a tough one. Trojans take it by a field goal. USC 3 Idle 0
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