Fearless Prognostications

Week 9 Fearless Prognostications

Last week this Fearless Prognosticator improved his record to 8-4, bringing us to 76-31-1 on the year. You know, I'm not a bettin man, but those aren't bad figures heading towards Halloween. Thanks to our new friends in Clinton, South Carolina, for bringing us in the "Doghouse" on  Sportsradio 1410 . Totally enjoyed it! On to this week's most Fearless, and I do mean Fearless, Prognostications:

Georgia vs Florida: Gosh, who doesn't want to pick the Dawgs in this one. They have lost something like 30 in a row to the Crocs. Of course, a little known fact is that the Crocs have been idle the week before the Georgia game 13 of the last 15 years. But not this year. I detect a pattern. Anyway, let's remember that this isn't just any ole game in the South, it's the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. There, I said it. Say it with me, cause there will be more than one kind of brew flowin this weekend in Jacksonville. The Crocs have Tebow, but they also have a schedule that has been downright unkind in recent weeks.Dawgies have been planning for this one since July. of 2006. Dawwwwwwwgs 30 Crocks 28

Ohio State at Penn State: The Nuts from Ohio haven't lost a regular season game since 2005. To the Fightin JoPas. Yep, in this season of upsets, the Nuts travel to Lionville for a primetime match-up with the Nittney Lions. Both teams are offensive on the offensive side of the ball, ranking far below what you'd expect. Expect to see some defense, and smell some of the good stuff. The Nuttrain comes off the track, putting the "BS" back into BCS. Lions 13 Nuts 10

Alabama at Idle: After a smack down of Pumpkin proportions, the Pachyderms head into a crucial showdown with Idle and some textbooks. Pachyderms should handle this one with ease. Elephants 17 Idle 0

Nebraska at Texas: The Callahan farewell tour visits Austin this weekend. I wonder if they will give him one of those jerseys like the president gets. You know, something with Texas and "1" on the front, with "Callahan, we'll miss you" on the back.  The Cornholios are in a free-fall, and that's no time to go toe-to-toe with a bull. Hook 'ems 31 Corn Shucks 10

Mississippi State at Kentucky: Sly's boys are tired, especially after playing like they were wearin skirts at West Virginia last week. The Mildcats got Tebowed, and that ain't good. Hurts you know where. Still, the boys from Bourbon country are fightin for a major bowl berth, while State is just trying to make it to Christmas. I think Sly will be asking Santa for an offensive line. And maybe a defense too. Big Blue 30 State 13

USC at Oregon: Trojan Man heads to Eugene to face a wild bunch of Ducks. The Quack Attack may wear uglier-than-your-aunt-Sylvia style uniforms, but they can flat out move the ball. The rushed for more than 900 yards last week. Ok, that's exagerratin, but not by much. Trojan Man has shown some definite chinks in the armor in 2007. They need more protection than a Trojan can give 'em. Quacks 42 Trojans 41

Ole Miss at Auburn: The Gambler and his bunch lost a heart breaker in Baton Rouge last Saturday night. If only Les Miles had been 1 second dumber, the War Eagles would be sitting pretty nice on a November run for Atlanta. The Johnny Rebs of old times have come back with a flurry, losing game after game. If you want to get well in the SEC, this is your medicine. The Gambler may be thinking about a job in College Station or Fayetteville, but his boys are thinking about Ole Miss. Tigers 42 Rebs 3

South Carolina at Tennessee: Something happened heading towards the Game of the Century for War Chicken Fans: Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt? The doormats upstaged the Head Cockadoodle's bunch last week with a strong defensive effort. The same can't be said for the Pumpkin, as the Davy Crockets just got scorched by a herd of pachyderms last week. Neither team has much of an offense. This favors the home team this week. Crockets 19 War Chickens 17

Extra point: Phillip Fulmer vs Tennessee Board of Trustees. The Davy Crockets haven't been a playa on the national scene in ten years, and now all that carma is coming back to haunt Fulmer. The Vols gave up more than 100 to 'Bama and Florida. It's late in the fourth quarter, and the Trustees are up by 10.

Florida International at Arkansas: The Nuttmeister gets some relief in his farewell tour in Fayetteville. Piggies 70 FIU 0

Two point conversion, good: Houston Nutt vs Arkansas Board of Trustees.The Nuttmeister didn't just get dropped in the cooker - he's been simmerin since January. After losses to Auburn, 'Bama, and Kentucky, put a fork in him. Text Message reads, "Game Over, with love, Pig Trustees." Trustees 31 Nutt 0

Miami (OH) at Vanderbilt: Can the Doormats handle success? After knocking off their highest rank opponent in 70 years, the Doors come home to face Miami. Of Ohio. Who sucks. Worse than Vandy. The doors are actually playing themselves right into a winning season and bowl game - something we haven't heard since the Ice Age. Doormats 19 Hawkdudes 10

Boston College at Virginia Tech: The Boston Catholics have jumped all the way to #2 or 3 or something in most polls. It's good to be a Bostonite these days. All their teams win. Unfortunately, the Bostons have to travel to Blacksburg for a meetin with some ferocious Gobblers - they always get that way this time of year right before the ax falls. The Gobblers have quietly had a nice season after gettin thumped in Cajun Country. BC, oh how we enjoyed thee at the top of the polls. Gobblers 23 Catholics 16

Minnesota at Michigan: Both of these programs have lost to Division II schools this year. One of them is headed towards the Rose Bowl. The other one is headed to Canada. Can you guess which one? Thought so. Wolves 38 Ugly Uniforms 6

Week 8 Fearless Prognostications

This season is more topsey-turvey than folks at a family gatherin lookin for dates. Kentucky joined the list of Goliath killers last week, knockin off that musty bunch from Cajun Country. For the second week in a row, I couldn't pick my own nose, goin 7-5. Not good. Not good at all. The yearly totals are 68-27-1. For our friends in Clinton, South Carolina, don't forget to catch us on Sportsradio 1410 on Thursday morning in the "Doghouse" at 7:30 am. On to this week's most fearless prognostications, makin the debut in radio with style points....

Central Michigan at Clemson: The Chippawahatevers invade Death Valley for some fun on Saturday afternoon. If you call getting your head handed to you on a platter as fun. Bowden's Boys are on their annual October run to save his job. After getting blasted by the Goblers a couple of weeks ago, he may need all the help he can get. Could be worse, he could be Callahan or Francione. Tigers 98 Chipanddales 0

South Florida at Rutgers: I want to make fun of the Bulls so much it hurts. Their uniforms are ugly. There, I said it. But there's no history here. No cheating to make fun of (yet). No bourbon stills. Nothing. And yet, they could play for the title. The Knight dude's can't believe this isn't their story. Somebody find the slipper, cause the clock will strike midnight for the Bulls in Jersey this weekend. Scarlet Rs 27 Bullsheisters 21

N.C. State at East Carolina: The Wolf Pack and Pirates get together for a little trip out to sea this weekend. Seriously, that's where they should play this game. Neither team seems to have the ability to score. Or play defense. Those Wolfpackers should sure miss the Red Shoes of Amato now. Pirates, in a close one. East Carolina 3 Packers 2

Army at Georgia Tech: It's homecoming in Atlanta, where the Military invades Beeville in hopes of a victory. The Bees have finally made the right choice at running back, and their season took a nice upward spike in a win last week at Miami. The Donkies from the northeast aren't very good, and the Wreck are beginning to come around. Take Tech, and where one of those little ties for homecoming. Bees 52 Army 3

Tennessee at Alabama: The Davy Crockets invade Crimson Country on a bit of a roll, having blistered Bulldogs two weeks in a row. Maybe just enough to save the Great Pumpkin's job. The Pachyderms got some help from instant replay last week to hold on against the rebels. Somebody should get instant replay on that defense, cause it ain't good. In fact, neither defense is very good. So eat some breakfast for this morning kickoff, and don't forget the good stuff - cause the 100,000 red necks from two states sure won't. Elephants 35 Crockets 31

Auburn at LSU: When these two got together in '87, it caused such a rumble at Tiger Stadium that the Richter scale measured a quake. The Gambler's Boys saved themselves with some late heroics last week in Arkansas, while the Cajuns let one sip away. Yeah, I said sip. The Head Cajun ran out of luck, and suddenly winning the SEC West is in doubt. There are definitely too many Tigers here, but take the one's dressed for Mardi Gras. And Enjoy the party before, during, and after the game. Cajuns 13 Tubbies 12

Florida at Kentucky: These aren't your daddie's Wildcats. Hell, they ain't even your grand daddies. Not since the Bear roamed the sideline have the stakes been so high in Lexington. They pulled out all the stops last week - so much so half the campus was arrested after the game for disorderly conduct. The Crocs are slowly easing their way back into a major bowl birth, but this may put a stop to that. The Bourbon will be flowin, as will the folks in blue. Cats 24 Crocs 14

Vanderbilt at South Carolina: The Smart dudes invade Chicken country for a little bar-b-q this weekend. Onnly they should take a quick look about themselves, cause their own behinds will be what's in the smoker. The Evil Genius has the War Chickens in the thick of the national title picture with a rookie QB from Tuscaloosa. No way Vanderbilt wins this, unless a game of chess breaks out in Columbia. War Chickens 42 Doormats 14

Arkansas at Ole Miss: The game could literally decide who finishes last in the SEC West. The Nuttmeister is in serious trouble. How do I know? I got a text message that said, "Prognosticator, I'm in deep do-do." Yeah, well, no crap. The Rebs are still sulking about their loss last week to the Pachyderms, actually lodging complaints about what Saban said in his press conference about unreuly fan behavior. Sticks and Stones. Sticks and Stones. And the Rebs have no defense. Piggies 30 Rebs 10

Mississippi State at West Virginia: Somehow, the dawgs managed to beat the Fightin Tubervilles. Unfortunately, they are making a little weekend getaway to West Virginia. Let's see, Mississippi people mingle with West Virginia people. Let's hope nobody marries. Rodriquez and his boys are the better team, and they will take it out on an SEC opponent this weekend. And when I say "it," I mean the good stuff. Smells like fuel. Mountain Men 45 Slys 10

USC at  Notre Dame: The Trojans can't decide who to play at QB. Guess what, with that offensive line- coupled with that horrid Irish defense - your mother could start this weekend for USC and it not really matter. Much. We'd all like to relive that classic from two years ago, but don't expect it. Trojan Mans 35 Irish Dudes 9

Michigan State at Ohio State: The Spartinis and Nuts are having a little party on Saturday. The theme is "which week will the Buckets blow it?" Every time a team ascends, they take a fall. The Nuts are truly set-up, with an above average Green bunch invating Columbus. Let's take a Spartini - shaken, not stirred. Sparticus 19 Buckets 18

Week 7 Fearless Prognostications

Well, well, well. Last week was certainly interestin. We all had Standford covering 41 points, right? Come on, we all knew they had a shot. If the shot was related to the good stuff. This Fearless Prognosticator won the you-can't-pick-your-own-nose award last week, going 9-6. That brings our yearly fearless total to 61-22-1. Ok, no scratchin the brain through the nasal cavity this week. On to this week's most Fearless Prognostications....

Oklahoma at Missouri: This could be the game of the year in the Big Twelve. The Sooners got off the schneid and beat the Hornless last week, while the Tigers took a corn cobb and gently handed it to Nebraska. In that way no one would like. This might be the best Missouri team since before any of us were born. Tigers 41 Sooners 38

Georgia Tech at Miami: It's Bees n Canes in South Florida on Saturday. Sounds like a bowl of cereal. And the game matters by about that much in the ACC. Tech has been flatter than a pancake for a month, and Miami got beat by the North Carolina Billygoats last weekend. So much for polishin up before the big game. The Canes are not good. Unfortunately, the Bees have lost their stingers though. Somebody get rid of that old truck, Tech needs somethin else. Canes 9 Bees 6

Boston College at Notre Dame: Suddenly this game has more meanin than a lime in your beverage. The Boston Catholics can sniff a shot - so to speak - at the national championship. While the Fighten Catholics from South Bend had their own version of LA Story last week when they knocked off UCLA at the same time USC was gettin beat by the Trees. Somebody's decided to dig up the Gipper this week, but I'm not thinkin that's enough to stir the echos. Bauustin 28 Irish 10

LSU at Kentucky: How insecure are Cajun fans and coach Les Miles? They clearly have one of the best coaches in the land, but they still can't go a whole telecast without talking about Nick Saban. Miles seems to be coachin as if he'll be somewhere else next year. Makes it easy to keep goin for it on fourth down. This is not your mildcat team of old. The Cats keep it close for three quarters, then run out of gas. Take Lester, and some of the good stuff. Cajuns 31 Cats 13

Tennessee at Mississippi State: Pumpkinmania is in full force in Knoxville with the Crockets' improbable knob-heal-boot-stompin of Georgia last weekend. Looks like Fulmer could save his job after all. But funny things happen with college kids - they think they're invincible, and Sly has his boys playin at a little higher level than perception. Upset special of the week, with some private label stuff thrown in. Sly's Boys 23 Crockets 22

South Carolina at North Carolina: It's ol Butch Davis vs the Evil Genius. Wait, is this Florida vs Miami? Hardly, but Spurrier is still beatin Georgia and Davis' new team beat his old team last weekend. With the big win by the Cajuns last weekend, the evil genius woke up on Sunday and realized his War Chickens can win the SEC East. The War Chickens can win the SEC east. Holy Schneike. In Chapel Hill, they're a bit more interested in round balls than pigskins. Take the Chickens. And don't forget some of the good stuff. War Chickens 35 BillyGoats 20

Alabama at Ole Miss: The Pachyderms limp into Oxford having barely avoided a major meltdown against Houston last week. We're not talking the Texans, we're talking Cougars, and pretty bad football. The Rebs warmed up for 'Bama by shutting out a powerful LaTech team. The last two years in this series have gone down to the wire. Expect nothing different this go round. Saban's boys look pretty vulnerable, but give it to the elephants by a tusk. Pachyderms 16 Rebs 14

Georgia at Vandy: The Bull Puppies went to Knoxville last weekend and got handed a musket by the Davy Crockets - in a very uncomfortable place if you know what I mean. And you do. Meanwhile, this is the 25th anniversary of the last time Vandy had a winning season. Said another way, this is the 25th year in a row where Vandy fans think "this could be their year."  After beatin the Pachyderms, the Dawgs have seemed downright human. Take the Dawgs, and enjoy the Music City. With a Fifth. Dawgs 35 Ships 17

Auburn at Arkansas: The Riverboat Gambler followed up the victory in the swamp with a blisterin of Vanderbilt. Ever since that early season slumber, the War Eagles have been on a bit of a tear. Meanwhile, the soap opera that is War Piggie football continues. This is almost as good as "Who shot J.R.?"  Come on, now I know you can hear that tune in your head. The War Piggie season is on the line, which means the Nuttmeister might stop text messaging long enough to coach in this one. Otherwise, he could be creatin the vacancy that Tubby will move into next year. Gimme some eggs, but hold the bacon. Piggies 20 Tigers 19

Texas at Iowa State: I was gonna write about this game when it occurred to me that nothin here is very funny, and I'm flat not interested. Texas has laid eggs two weeks in a row. And the tornadoes kinda suck. Something has to give. Like your stomach after you eat some of Uncle Bert's Chili. Hornless 28 Tornadoes 10

Arizona at USC: The bad news for Trojan Man fans is that the 35 game home streak is over. The bad news for Ariziona fans is that they are about to be the beginning of the next streak. In a big way. Trojans 52 Cats 3

Wisconsin at Penn State: The dairy farmers finally ran out of glasses to pour their milk last week in Champaign. I mean, how could those Wisconsin boys know that Illinois was now a good team? They know now. And the badgers have been wearin some good luck charm all year, at least until last week. JoPa's turning 105 this week, but still seems to have some flutter in his tank. Take the Lions, and don't spike your milk. JoPas 31 Wiscauuusin 27

Week 6 Fearless Prognostications

Last week this fearless prognosticator wasn't so fearless. But truly, who was? Seems like the whole flippen Top 10 got beat. Who the heck are the South Florida Bulls? Their jerseys are ugly. And so are their helmets. Anyway, Mr. Fearless went an astounding 10-5 straight up without the water, bringing us to 52-16-1 on this not so young season. Seems like if you just pulled for strange colored uniforms, you probably do alright in this environment. On to this week's most Fearless, Prognostications....

Wisconsin at Illinois: The Boys from Dairy Country keep slippin past opponents - so much so that they have slipped right into the national championship race. Don't tell that to the Zooker. He's recruited an SEC caliber team to Champaign, and now the rest of the Big 11 are paying the price. Or they'll soon be trying to figure out exactly what price gets you to Champaign. You get the drift. The Cheez Whiz should win this game. And they would on paper. But they don't play this game on paper, they play it between the ears of college kids. The Zooknest monster took out JoPa last week, and this week it does the same to Wiscaaaansin. Illini 13 Dairy Boys 9

Virginia Tech at Clemson: The traditional Climson-we're kinda-good-so-let's let-down-our-fans got started a bit early this year. usually doesn't start till mid-October, but it got off to an early start in Atlanta last weekend. To many frosted Oranges I guess. They get another crack at a team with "Tech" in the name this week. The Fightin Gobblers have slowly been gettin off the schneid since their hind-ends got wrapped in a gift box and mailed back to Blacksburg by LSU. Climsun is better than last week. And they're better than the gobblers. Tigers 24 Gobblers 17

Houston at Alabama: Houston, we have a problem. The Pachyderms have gotten their nose bloodied two consecutive weeks, and the natives are gettin a little restless in Bear Country if you know what I mean. And you do. The Cougars come to T-town where they will be treated with all kinds of hospitality. It's homecoming, which means there will be ceremonies, women competin for courts and such, bar-b-q everywhere, and a grillin on the field. 'Bama fans get to relax this week. Elephants 63 Spaceships 3

Stanford at USC: After a tough game last week in Seattle, Trojan Mans are off this week. It will be a bit of an intrasquad scrimmage. SC will play some QB not named Booty. Something like, "Hey, anybody in the student section want to suit up?" Oh yeah, the Fightin Trees from Stanford will be there. Don't forget the saws. And ice cold beverages with just a hint of the good stuff. Trojans 52 Trees 0

Florida at LSU: A strange thing happened on the way to another Croc national championship. Yep, those pesky Tigers by Tubby,  who darn right seem to have the Crocodile number: Something like 1-800-we-beat-you-agin-in-the-swamp. Meanwhile, Les Miles has a little something brewing of his own: a QB controversy and a pending job interview in Ann Arbor. The Cajuns do have a defense, which includes waterboys as big as the Tebownator. Should be close. Enjoy the party. And a fifth. Cajuns 12 Crocs 10

Vanderbilt at Auburn: just about the best thing in the world happened for the Doormats last week as Auburn piled high and deep to knock off the Crocs. just about the worst thing in the world happened for the Doormats last week as Auburn piled high and deep to knock off the Crocs. Poor ol Bobby Johnson probably had this one circled on his calendar. "Dear Diary, bring my the signature victory. Please." Auburn is not good. And neither are the Sinkin Ships. If this were only a spelling bee is what the Vandy Chancellor is thinkin. Take Auburn, and a flask. Tubbys 30 Ships 10

Oklahoma vs. Texas: Hmm, I wonder if these two were lookin ahead last week to the Red River Shootout. Looks like it, cause instead of six-shooters we're gettin cap guns this week. In a game that suddenly matters less to most of the nation, the Horns and Connestoga Wagons get together for their annual shoot-em-up. The Horns look like Betsy, and the Sooners flat out got outplayed by that bunch from Boulder. Texas has a problem: special teams are so special they don't have any. Take some Sooners, and treat yourself to somethin really nice at a Dallas Beverage Store. Sooners 31 Hornless 20

UAB at Mississippi State: The Birmingham Blazers invade Starkvegas for something not so civilized. What the heck is a Blazer anyway? A Fireball? Dragon? I dunno. But I do know this: Sly's pups got off to a pretty decent start, and after this week's firestorm with UAB, the Dawgies play Tennessee, West Virginia, Kentucky, and Alabama. Yikes. I'd be worried they're lookin ahead, but what on earth would they be doin that for. UAB held Florida State in check, and I'm thinkin this game will be a little too close for comfort for Croom. Southern Comfort, that is. Give the edge to Maroon, but barely. Dawgies 23 Blazer Dragons 21

Georgia at Tennessee: Richts Boys have played themselves right back into the SEC East. Not only have they been a winnin, but their arch enemies in Gainesville have been a losin. Last weekend was the very definition of a perfect weekend for Athenites. Meanwhile, the heat is crankin up a notch in Knoxville. If Pumpkin Boy isn't careful, he'll be carved up by Halloween. The Davy Crockets rank - and I mean very rank- last in the SEC in points allowed per game. That's not good. And frankly, I'd rather have the Pumpkin Spiced Latte than a carved up Pumpkin Boy anyway. Lookin more and more like UT vs Vandy could decide which team gets the top draft choice next year. Firefulmer.com traffic is spikin. Dawgies 30 Crockets 20

UTC at Arkansas: The Mocs have not much of a shot in this one, unless you count what the fans will be doin in the stands. Boss Hog could spend the whole night text messaging his colleagues to see where he might find a job next year, and the Piglets would still win this one. Hawgies 63 Mocs 6

Georgia Tech at Maryland: It's Bees and Turtles in a game that will kick-off before most people on the West Coast even get out of bed. Gotta love those Eggs and Bacon kickoffs. Me, I like 'em with a hint of the good stuff. I'm guessin folks are crankin up the grills around 8:00 am. The Bees are like Jeckle and Hyde - one week they stinch, the next week they are knockin off Climsun. The Turtles upset Rutgers last week. Seems weird to even write "upset" in that sentunce. The Bees have a choice. And this week he's playin running back. Time for some Turtle Soup with the eggs. Bees 28 Turtles 20

Louisiana Tech at Ole Miss: It's a pretty typical year for the Rebs. They scare the bejesus out of teams they have no business beating, and beat most of the teams they have no business playin. After scaring the Crocs and exposing them for Tubby, the Rebs went to Athens and got their rifles handed to 'em in places that aren't comfortable. After this week, they got 'Bama, Auburn, and Arkansas. That's recipe for a drinkin problem. The Fighten Techsters, well, they stinch just as bad, coming in at 1-3. These teams are a combined 2-7 - if this game's on your cable channel, switch to satellite. Ole Miss 6 Tech 5

Kentucky at South Carolina: Can anybody believe both of these teams are in the top 25, and fighting for a birth in the SEC Championship? I would have bet my pop's "medicine" still that this could never happen. The Mildcats are suddenly not the Mildcats, and the War Chickens are finally playing with the intensity that you expect from Evil Genius teams. The Chickens have a nice defense, but they haven't seen a quarterback like this all year. The Blue Kittens have the best QB in the SEC, and no defense. Should be down right entertainin. Take some of the good stuff, but pace yourselves, cause this game is Thursday night. Cats 42 Chickens 28

Ohio State at Purdue: The Nuts invade West Lafayette for a battle with some fairly ferocious trains. Ok, "ferocious." The fact of the matter is both these teams are 5-0 because they have spent more time at Krispy Creme than the local sheriff. I mean, look at their schedules. Creampuff City. If you play more directional schools than there are directions, no wonder you're undefeated. The problem for Tiller's bunch is that the Nuts have, well, nuts. These guys are not Eastern Ohio School for the Needy. It will be excitin early, but don't forget the remote. Buckeyes 31 Boilers 10

Notre Dame at UCLA: The Fighten Catholics really should be spendin more time in Mass. Last week they improved and only got waxed by two touchdowns. The Bruins are playing with some intensity, and it only takes a little of that these days to flatten Notre Dame. Who knew this was the year to schedule the Irish for homecoming. Navy is starting to get excited. Bruins 40 Irish 13