It ain't over till it's over, but the plump lady is clearin her vocal chords for some teams and more than a few coaches. I'm clearin my mouth for another swig of the good stuff if you know what I mean. And you do. Last week this Fearless Prognosticator went 10-4, bringin the yearly to 94-38-1. I've decided to cross the Writer's Guild picket line to keep my fans happy. On to this week's Most Fearless Prognostications....
Auburn at Georgia: The teletubby is workin hard to get his team ready to play the bullpupps betwixt the hedges -it's been a tough week though while he tries to negotiate to take Fran's place out in Aggieville. Rumor has the Bulldogs breakin out black jerseys or black pants or somethin. I just hope they don't forget the brown stuff brewin out back. Richt turned the SEC on it's ear with their victory over the Crocs, and even with a bad fashion statement, they should be able to take care of the War Eagles. Athenites, Rejoice. Dawwwwgs 21 War Eagles 17
Air Force at Notre Dame: Did you hear this? The Air Force academy actually returned tickets for this game. Apparently watching another service academy smoke Notre Dame is no big deal. Tickets available, TV ratings down 36% - if Irish football were a sitcom, it would have been pulled off the air by now. Funny, the current Irish coach has about the same record as the last head coach who got run out because the record was unacceptable. The Carma is catching up with the Irish dudes. Flyboys 30 Irish 28
Georgia Tech at Duke: The Techsters have underwhelmed, at best, all season long. But they could start your mother at quarterback and beat this Dukie team. And I do mean Dookie. Bees 35 Pooh 0
Arkansas at Tennessee: In this topsey turby football season, the head pumpkin finds his team remarkably in charge of their own destiny in the race for the SEC Championship. Win out, and they get the honour of gettin smoked by LSU. The Davy Crockets couldn't stop 'Bama or Florida. And their rushing defense is horrid. Guess what the Razorpiggies are gonna do about 75 times on Saturday? Run the ball. Into infinity. Take some bar-b-q, but just don't expect a happy ending if your a Crocket fan. Nuttmeister can't even screw this up. Pigglets 27 Crockets 20
Texas A&M at Missouri: Coach Fran is winding up his Texas
A&M career in fine fashion. Seems like only yesterday he was walkin
out on Alabama. This week's farewell tour takes us to Columbia,
Missouri, where the only thing really in doubt is the final score. No,
I'm not talking about the game. I'm talking about the amount of Fran's
buyout. Turns out, if he hadn't had that stupid $38,000 a year
newsletter, he might be pocketing $8m. Now he'll be lucky to get any of
it. Fran needs to stop holding ropes and get a financial planner.
Retirement is coming early this year. A&M is 77th in the NCAA in
total defense. Missouri is 7th in total offense. You do the math.
Tigers 49 Aggieland 13
Connecticut at Cincinnati: The Huskie Dogs invade Cincy for some good food and a Big East rumble. UConn has its sights on a BCS bowl game if they can win out; which is pretty convenient, cause the Cincy coach may already have his sights on the coming vacancy at Nebraska. The Bumblin Bearcats are no longer bumblers, they're pretty good. The Dogs don't exactly have any secret weapons on offense; the BCS dreams come crashing down, along with some ribs from the good restaurant on the river. Bearkittens 30 UConn 20
Kentucky at Vanderbilt: Can you believe this is a fight for a bowl birth? Yeah, that's right, even the Doormats are in the mix. The Mildcats have a first-rounder at QB, and the Doormats scored higher on their SATs. Ok, so Vandy dudes will be running the company later, but ain't it a lot more fun to play winning football? The Doormats haven't been to a bowl game since Reagan was in office. In his first term. And bowl eligibility holds off another week. Mildcats 31 Doormats 24
Florida at South Carolina: The shine is a bit off the bourbon bottle in Columbia where the War Chickens had the SEC East firmly in hand, only to let it slip horribly away in the last month. The Evil Genius now gets to try to spoil Croc Nation's weekend. The Gators are in a position they have not been in much over the last 17 years: actually caring how Georgia fares in their game against Aubrun. Take a shot of the good stuff, bring out the black jerseys, and stir in some distraction, and you have recipe for Croc Soup in Chicken Country. War Chickens 22 Crocs 21
Louisiana Tech at LSU: The mad scientist that is the Cajun football coach got away with another one (won) last week in Tuscaloosa. His team finally overcame their coach in the late going to take out an inspired Pachyderm team. The Cajuns won't be excitin this week, but they don't have too. They're playing the Techsters. Nuff said. Tiger Dudes 73 Techters 0
Ole Miss at Idle: Eleven schools from the SEC might make bowl eligibility. The Rebs won't be one of them, as they apparently waived the white flag back in week one. No conference wins. Nada. And this week presents a pretty stiff test at Idle. The burner on the coach's back side turns up a notch. Idle 13 Ole Miss 10
Alabama at Mississippi State: Sabanator's bunch took a heartbreakin loss last week to LSU. A game that they had essentially won until the late going. The Pachyderm record is now the same this year as it was this time last year - the question is which way will the Tide ebb - North or South? This ain't your daddy's Starkvegas squad neither, with nice road wins over the Mildcats and Tigers. This is prime upset territory. But there is a difference between this Tide team and last year: coaching. Pachyderms come out flat, then smoke the puppies. Elephants 42 Starkville 10
Kansas at Oklahoma State: The Jaybirds haven't flown this high since one flew over the cornfield nest. Actually, they haven't been 10-0 since 1899. That's before you and me were here. They jumped on a horrible Cornfield team last Saturday, and have been reading lots of press clippings this week about winning the Big 12. Let's not forget their schedule is full of more cream puffs than a bakery, and that includes Nebraska. The Cowgirls have an offense too, and have been playing right decent in recent weeks. You know, except for that annual blow-the-big-lead Texas game. It's in Stillwater. And that's not all that will be flowin near gametime. Cowgirls 42 Jaybirds 38
USC at California: Trojan Man versus a six pack of Golden Bears. Several weeks ago this looked like the game of the year in the Pathetic 10. Is this game even on TV? Ok, it's not that bad. These two are playin for a nice second-tier bowl in El Paso or something. Pull out the Tacos, and go find the Tequila. The Golden Dudes have Trojan Man at home, just where they want them. Bears 38 Trojan Man 31
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