This Fearless Prognosticator was less than spectacular last week. I wish I had been sippin on some of the good stuff, cause the results sure look like I was. The week's record was 9-5, bringin us to 42-11-1. Even with the off-week, you could still do pretty good with these results over the season. So sit back, enjoy the fall foliage, and crack open a cold one. On to this week's most Fearless Prognostications.
Michigan State at Wisconsin: Sparticus invades cheese country for some afternoon fun featuring more than a few polish dogs. The Cheese Whiz keep slippen past average opponents like OJ in Vegas, but one of these weekends the gig is gonna be up. The Spartins are off to a 4-0 start, but Madison is no place for women and children. It's a coin flip. Ok, both sides have the same symbol - a Spartini. Kinda like a Martini, which is what a few folks will be sippen on before kick-off. State 24 Cheese Whiz 21
Alabama vs Florida State: The Pachyderms limp into this mid-season bowl game in Jacksonville on the heels of two emotionally draining contests. While the Indians from Tallahassee come in with an off-week. Kinda like a few SEC teams. Interesting, Papa Bowden was almost the coach at Bama before Bill Curry landed that job. Can you imagine how different these programs might be today? Bowden is older than Moses but pretty unlikely to part the Red Tide. Saban has the Elephants playing a little better than they are. Close, 'but take Bama and a fifth. Of bourbon. Pachyderms 21 Kings of Wide Right 17
California at Oregon: Defense will be pretty scant with these Pac-10 juggernauts going at it
in Corvalis. The Golden Bears invade Quackville looking to get a leg up
on finishing second to USC in the conference. The Ducks will Dazzle you
with some strange uniform color combination, but this is not exactly a
Gucci fashion show. Take something Golden, and don't forget the
blender. Golden Nicholas' 92 Ducks 90
Notre Dame at Purdue: You know, this could say Notre Dame
vs anybody at this point. The Irish are pretty much stink. After
getting through the cream puff portion of their schedule, they now play
the Trains to get warmed up for teams like USC and UCLA. The green
dudes from South Bend could be one of the worst teams in Division I.
The Boiling Trains get this one at home. It's gonna feel like
homecoming in West Lafayette. Trains 42 Irish 10
Clemson at Georgia Tech: We have a Bowden. Well, they are everywhere, so this isn't a shock. And we have some Bees. They looked like they actually had stingers when the season opened, but now we know that win was about as opaque as Vick slippen something through airport in his water bottle. Climsun is on the edge of something special, and hardly anybody is talkin about it. The Bees are on the edge of needing more than a glass of tea to wash down the Varsity dogs. The Tech looks like a wreck, and the Tigers look better than usual. Beautiful day at grant field. Take your sun glasses, and pace yourselves on the good stuff as it's gonna be warm. Climsun 30 Bees 28
West Virginia at South Florida: It's so shockin that this is actually a battle between top 25 teams that this Fearless Prognosticator hardly knows what to say. To paraphrase a famous line, if I woke up in the morning with my eyelids sewn to my lips, I wouldn't be any more surprised than I am that this game actually matters. Well, matters is a strong word. It's the Big Least, where Syracuse just shafted the conference by drop-kicking Louisville. The Bulls are good, but they don't have Michael Jordan. Take West Virginia, as they have more speed than Road Runner. The Bulls, well, they might be the Coyote. So close, right until he runs over the Canyon. Mountain Men 52 Bulls 30
LSU at Tulane: The Rajun Cajuns take their martigras coloured uniforms for what they hope is just a pre-championship warm-up in New Orleans. The Gumbys haven't beaten a ranked team since knockin off the ranked Bayou Tigers in 1982. I know what your thinking.... if Syracuse can do it, anybody can. But lay off the brown stuff, and get some of the cajun cookin. Tiger 63 Gumbys 0
Mississippi State at South Carolina: Ol Sly has his puppies playin way above their heads...and so does the Head Cockadoodle at South Carolina. This game actually has major bowl implications, and we're not talkin toilets. The War Chickens have made a change at QB, while the Puppies have simply starting winning more than they lose. Take the head cockadoodle, and don't forget the franks and beans. And good stuff. War Chickens 28 Pups 14
Ole Miss at Georgia: Johnny Reb had a close one last week against the Crocs - the problem is close only counts in Horse shoes, hand grenades, and bourbon to the nose. The Dawgies went into Tuscaloosa and stole one from the Pachyderms. Both teams left it on the field last week. Of course the Dawgs also got pelted with some of it before getting out of Tuscaloosa. Said one Georgia student, "they should at least finish the fifth before hurling it towards the field." So true. Take the Dawgs, and don't turn in Uncle JimBob for runnin the still. Dawgs 19 Rebs 9
Florida Atlantic at Kentucky: The Mildcats and Pachyderms have shared two coaches in their history - Bear Bryant and Bill Curry. Very rarely since Bear bolted for Texas A&M have the Cats looked so good. They have some QB that might want to sign up for round ball at Rupp. The Owls of Florida Atlantic have a team? Yeah, they beat Minnesota. Which team shows up for UK - Bear-like or Curry-like? Leave the curry off the owl, and it tastes like chicken. Kittens 48 Owls 20
North Texas at Arkansas: The Nuttmeister could be in trouble. Losing to 'Bama on the road is one thing, but losing to Kentucky at home with two 100 yard rushers in the game is a whole nutha matter. The alumoids already don't like the Nutt. I'm guessing he gets more than a few text messages a day that tell him to go to ... somewhere else. Warm. North Texas is green. And they are not good. Nutt takes it out on 'em. Piglets 52 Greens 10
Eastern Michigan at Vanderbilt: The ship captains look to get well against one of those directional schools. The fighting EMUs have as much chance of winning this game as you do of actually watching it. Take a bucket of KFC and one of those little TVs to watch the good games. Doormats 27 EMU 9
Auburn at Florida: The struggling Tiggers have lost home games against South Florida and Mississippi State. Does anybody smell jet fuel? Who knows whether it's Auburn interviewing coaches or Tubbymesiter looking to make the move to Little Rock. After that huge win over New Mexico State, Auburn has a chance. Not. The Crocs are better than advertised. They have a linebacker playing QB, and are just getting warmed up for LSU. They are going to spend more time in the Auburn backfield than ants on table scraps at a family gatherin. Crocs 38 War Eagles 3
Penn State at Illinois: The Nittany Kittens were exposed last week in Ann Arbor. They may have nine lives, but they used most of it up against Michigan. Something weird going on in the Universe. Zooker leaves Florida, and they have more talent than a deity in Gainesville. He shows up in Loserville, and suddenly Champaign is flowin. They are winning star recruit after star recruit. Reckin Zooker took some of the "Southern Recruiting Ways" to Illinois? Rumor has it the NCAA is planning an office for the area, cause it's sure not needed anywhere near South Bend. Fightin Indians 16 Lions 15
USC at Washington: The good news for Willingham is that he' not at Notre Dame. Even though he is somehow getting blamed for their crummy season without getting any credit for their past success. The Huskie dogs have infinitely more wins than the Irish. Of course the bad news is that the Men of Troy are coming to town, and seemingly getting better every week. Washington is better, but not nearly good enough. Maybe they hang for a half. Trojan Mans 45 Doggies 10
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